“The resistance of a woman to a man’s advances is not always a sign of virtue. Sometimes it’s just a sign of experience.”
- Ninon de Lenclos
Sex is a billion dollar-a-year industry. It’s been the motivation behind almost everything accomplished by man throughout history. And it makes up the world’s oldest profession. So why do people still get it all wrong? How is it that thousands of years later we’re still trying to figure it all out? You would think that with all of these people out there, these so-called “experts” we’d really have a better idea of all by now. But we don’t, do we? Not really.
Often, men think that women are looking for a man who has drop dead good looks and chiseled abs with a healthy bank account to boot. That’s just really not the case at all. It doesn’t hurt, because, sure, we can all appreciate Alexander Skarsgård and you’d be hard pressed to find any lady who would kick him out of bed, but the fact of the matter is, women need substance. That is what is engaging long-term; for a relationship with a real meaningful purpose.
Today a friend of mine asked me, “What do women want?” and I had to laugh, because the answer is, “We want it all.”
I’ve touched based on this many times. It’s not that women are impossible to please (in fact, it’s alarmingly easy) – but it’s because of how simple it is, that so many of you get it wrong. So wrong!
So on behalf of my friend (who shall remain anonymous for sake of his reputation) I will share 10 things that men should know about women. Stuff we like. These are random things, in no particular order – but they ARE the things that I see most men get wrong most often or could help them in the long term. Ladies, feel free to comment with your own and add to the list – and fellas, if someone would reciprocate with mens’ view for the ladies, we’d all be ever so grateful. =)
Here it goes:
1. Be a man.
Unless she’s a lesbian, she likes men. She may like effeminate men, nerdy men, artistic men, etc.; but the one thing they all have in common – they’re men! Women naturally flock to men who show leadership qualities. I don’t mean guys who are bossy, but we like guys who demonstrate control. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve heard a woman describe a situation where a man took initiative or demonstrated some masculine trait and the other women present began to “ooh” and “aah.” It doesn’t have to be something outrageous,. Nobody expects you to go barefoot and wrestle a bear; but strive for a more Alpha-like quality on occasion (even if you don’t have it naturally, fake it until you do). You’ll have the ladies paying attention. Hell, open up a jar! Just don’t be a neanderthal.
2. Self Validation.
Weird as it may seem, women subconsciously seek out men who are internally validated – and this remains the strongest seduction trigger which is strangely not widely discussed. Having internal validation means that you’re not gonna seek answers or approval from other people. You’re not going to be affected by what is going on in the environment. How do you use this to your benefit? Simple. Whenever you talk to a girl next time, free your mind from depending on the outcome of the interaction. A man that knows how to talk to women with a purpose is going to have much better success than the man who just has words coming out of his mouth.
3. Your hand on the small of her back.
Loads of women are going to be upset with me for revealing this carefully guarded secret amongst our sex. But this move, it is a sure fire way to get her heart racing. Do we like hand holding? Sure. Do we like it when you put your arm around our shoulders? Of course. But if you really want to go for the gold, place your hand on the small of her back whilst walking or standing. It’s a simple gesture that can communicate quite a bit. For one, you’re touching her (always a plus); but you’re doing it in such a way that sort of signals protectiveness and claim. For whatever it is worth, if a girl sees a guy holding hands with someone she thinks, “oh sweet” but if she sees him with his hand on the small of her back she knows they are together. I don’t know why it sends such a strong message and clear signal, but it does – and I have never met a woman alive that did not love love love it. Touch is a very powerful sensation.
4. Make her laugh.
I have many guys friends who are baffled over the fact that David Spade can bed so many hot women. How does he do this? What is his secret? The answer my lovelies, is that he is an exceptionally funny guy. The reason a sense of humor is important is two-fold- one, who doesn’t like a good laugh; and two, it’s a good way of helping us put our guard down. A shared sense of humor is important, vital even, for a good match. A guy with a wicked sense of humor is usually clever and engaging, two things we love most. The key is to know when to be hilarious and when to be serious. We all want a guy who can make us laugh, but not one who is incapable of holding a serious conversation.
5. We like compliments.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “No brainer” right? Well you’d be surprised at how many guys get this so wrong. Sure there are the standards, “You’re beautiful” and “You’re lovely” but c’mon let’s be creative here! Do you know how many times the average girl gets hit on by strangers? Lots. Hell, we just have to walk down to street to hear some random construction worker happily list all of the things he’d like to do to us and how. Granted, that’s not what we’re looking for here, but compliment her. Tell her she looks nice. Compliment her shoes. Her hair. Her eyes. Let her know when she says something you find funny. Make the remark, “You’re quite witty.” I remember one time I was wearing this green dress, nothing remarkable and I didn’t even particularly care for it, it just happened to be the only thing clean – but this stranger told me it really ‘brought out my eyes’ and I’d be lying if I said that compliment made me view that dress from a new perspective. And every time I go to put it on, I think about that man in the deli. Be that guy!
6. Chivalry is not dead.
Open doors. Pull out chairs. Be a gentleman. Seriously. That’s the number one thing men have gotten lazy about. Now I’m all for equal rights. I am fully capable of opening up my own door or telling the waiter what it is I would like in a restaurant; but it’s all the much nicer when you do it for us. I have a friend, and whenever I go to his house, he’s always sat out on the front porch waiting for me to arrive (he knows I’m on my way). And whenever I leave, he walks me to my car. It’s nothing major, but I can’t tell you how sweet I think he is for it. Chivalry is just about taking it up to the next level. Be our knight in shining armor, or at the very least the guy who calls to make sure we got home safely. We ladies are also hip; we know that after you open our car door, it’s our responsibility to lean over and open yours. We’ve seen that movie too. =)
7. We like men we can learn from.
I don’t mean you have to be Einstein, but we like it when our guys know things, especially if those things are things we don’t know ourselves. Now, don’t go spewing out facts and pieces of trivia to demonstrate how intelligent you are (no girl likes a braggart); but there is something undeniably sexy about a guy who is intelligent and capable. Ok, so you may not know the basis for the Schrödinger equation; but heck, most of us are impressed by a guy who can change a tire. Being able to teach us something is attractive. We like it when men can build our interests. Find out what she’s into, if it’s something you know a thing or two about, offer to play tutor.
8. We like it when you spend time ‘with the guys.’
Say what? It’s true. We love watching you be one of the boys. Maybe it’s the gathering of testosterone in the air, but when you go hang out with your friends we enjoy it. Or at least the sane ones do. Guys need to have time to themselves and time to do whatever it is you men do. Women realize that we don’t always have to be included, because sometimes we want some girl time too. So you need your own space. We know this. We like it. You can stop being shocked now.
9. Show emotions.
For god’s sake there is nothing worse than dating a robot. We are emotional creatures (as you may have noticed). Ladies have the ability to cry at the drop of a hat and sometimes without warning (we’re working on it). So we find it comforting when men venture into our territory from time to time. We like feelings and we like talking about our feelings; but we realize that you don’t find the same enjoyment in it that we do. Nevertheless, throw us a bone on occasion, even if it is far out of your comfort zone. Step off Mars and go explore Venus for a day. It’s a good way to keep things copacetic. We like seeing you cry, it’s special and makes us feel protective. Just don’t do it too much, that would be a bit freaky.
10. Do most of the driving.
Now we’re not looking for a chauffeur here, but men are sexy when they drive. It’s true. I like driving, and do it quite often, but it’s always a nice feeling when you get to be the passenger. No doubt it’s the embodiment of a couple of the other things we like, but just the same, it’s great. Extra points for knowing how to drive a manual transmission.
